In this life we all experience times of challenge. . .
Some of us carry in our DNA a propensity to develop episodes of major depression that is most often triggered by prolonged stressful events. Such individuals cannot always control how things happen to them but they must realize that they are in full control of the response to a situation. There are always things one can do to battle the stress response. It is possible to teach oneself a form of maintenance cognitive behavioral intervention once the concept is learned through a competent therapist and enhanced through ones own self education and practiced through repeated life experiences.
Our very reality as humans is driven by constant battle between our limbic system of the brain, where strong emotions are generated, and our cerebral cortex (gray matter) which we use for reasoning and logical thinking. From an evolutionary survival standpoint the drive from the limbic system has a propensity to override the logic and reasoning in times of stress, or perceived threats, which can result in periodic lapses in judgment and emotional over reaction or emotional shutdown. Our fight or flight response is a gift from our ancestors that when correctly working increases our probability of survival. Adrenalin can be quite helpful in an emergency but over utilization tends to result in mental problems, especially if a change in environment or detrimental behaviors is not achieved.
Yesterday I felt myself consumed by an almost overwhelming feeling of frustration and sadness. Over time I have learned that the key to getting through such an emotional state is basically not allowing myself to shut down or to over react because the result of such behaviors is usually self defeating. A friend once offered me a phrase to use that I find quite helpful, "This too shall pass." Lately, my life has entered a place that seems like a bad episode of "The Twilight Zone." I'm hoping it will all start to get better once I have this situation settled with the Medical Board. I really don't quite understand what they really want or what they are really trying to prove. If surrendering my DEA license would make this nightmare end I would be willing to even do that. If I can prescribe ADHD medications and benzodiazepines, I can practice fine without the use of other controlled drugs. There is no point in attempting to punish me because, short of not letting me practice at all, I can be hurt no worse than by what has been done to me by the news media. It is not easy listening to rumors and lies daily that are based on absolutely nothing. Some of my patients have been told that I was led off to jail in handcuffs, others that I have been shut down or that the state is going to use patients discharged from my practice for violating their contracts to turn states evidence against me. This is totally ridiculous and much more than I ever bargained for.
The irony of this whole thing is that I have never tried to do anything short of help others. I finally have my practice at a place where that can happen and is happening. I will have to start turning patients away soon because I won't be able to see them all and 90% of them are not pain patients or seeking drugs that can be abused. I like to think that it is because I am a competent and caring provider of mental health care. Neither me nor my patients deserve the bad publicity that has occurred. I think of all the good I have tried to do in my career and rarely has it been given the slightest notice. As I have said repeatedly, I will continue to let my conscience be my guide and do the best I know how.
On the lighter side, I'm going to enjoy watching my four new kittens develop. I've found future homes for two already. Though she will definitely be spayed in the future I have no regrets for allowing my cat to experience reproducing. There is nothing more natural. Sometimes mistakes can turn into blessings if we just look for those blessings. I love my new Al Green CD. It takes me back to a more carefree time in my life. I always wondered what his singing would sound like with the benefit of modern recording technology. To me he is the greatest ever, and I love every single cut. He has some help from John Legend, Anthony Hamilton, and others who help transition the '70s style to contemporary. The horns, percussion, and strings really make the music live. It talks to my soul. Thanks Al.
psychiatry