Time for Change

I do take comments seriously. . .

thus the new look of the sight. The white letters on black background really had played out in addition to being harder to read than traditional white background with dark print. I have known that for a while but continued to procrastinate mainly because I didn't think anyone really cared. From the beginning of this journal I never really expected many people would find it worthwhile to read and I sometimes forget that there have been a substantial number of readers over time. Knowing that has provided me enough motivation to continue posting.

I understand that I have one of the most interesting jobs on earth and feel it important to share sometimes that which is appropriate to those who may be interested. I can say that no day is ever quite the same and that tends to make the feelings of stress and frustration bearable. Of most importance, my job has taught me limits over time. It is no secret to regular readers that the greatest challenge has been dealing with non compliant uncommitted substance abusers. The bottom line has become resoundingly clear that there is no help for those who choose not to help themselves. Our country has a dysfunctional system for handling the growing problem of addictions which greatly affect the the lower class and appears to be rapidly affecting the middle class. I still identify with that population because that is where I came from. I feel enraged at the fact that more isn't done at the entry level into the country for cocaine and heroin. Instead the focus is directed toward people like myself who are trying to help fix the problem. That is why I feel cynical about politics. No candidate has said a single word about the drug problem. It is as if it doesn't exist. It makes me wonder who really controls the country. Is what we see what is really reality? Follow the money. Who is really receiving the benefit at the expense of others? How do the drugs really get to the consumer? Maybe the jails and the court system and law enforcement need the users to continue using.

Some days I can't believe what has happened to me with this issue with the Medical Board. I did take the risk of seeing many patients that other doctors would not see or were not appropriate for the public centers that are supposed to treat addictions. Many of the addicts were actually created by our dysfunctional system which punishes doctors for associating with such patients. My case has been continued until February now. I think they realize they have a hot potato. All of the useful evidence that could be used against me is from over a year ago and most of it I told them willingly (which I now realize was a stupid thing to do). This is obviously a witch hunt, which serves the purpose of diverting attention from the real problem. I believe within my heart that there are indeed corrupt individuals within our legal and political systems. That is the true source of what is destroying the fabric of our communities. People need jobs, access to proper health care, and education.

Sometimes it may appear that I overinflate my self worth by associating my situation with the national agenda. I view it a bit differently and feel that the true enemy needs for people such as myself to be marginalized, discredited, suppressed, or neutralized for we are a threat to the status quo. I feel validated when people that I know, mainly patients, reject the smear tactics used against me. People who truly know me are aware of what type of person I truly am and that, most of the time, I actually am pretty good at what I do. I have worked hard to correct what the Medical Board deemed deficient. My reputation was attacked but it is not sticking. There are a few pharmacists who have gone out of their way to propagate the negativity but they are only hurting their own business. People have assured to me that my plight has been a part of their daily prayers. I feel confident that the enemy will not prevail here. If God is for us then who can be against us. For me, this is becoming a test of faith.

On the lighter side... Someone told me that cats are suppose to calm down when they are sterilized. That apparently is not true. My cat actually seemed to resort to the behavior she displayed when in heat. She's bolting out the door every opportunity and sniffing for the tom cat's scent. At least she loses interest after a few minutes and comes back in. I wonder how long this will last. I was afraid to admit that I had relocated Squeaky to my property in the country because I was afraid she might not adapt. She has some ferral cat tendencies and suprisingly has done quite well so far. There is a neighborhood scavenger dog that I was most concerned about. She has learned to evade him when necessary. She loves climbing the trees and exploring the proximal territory. The first time she climbed a tree she was stuck about 15 feet off the ground and afraid to come down. She started whining out of fear and confusion. Sounds like a job for the fire department. Yeah, right. They would have loved to come back a third time. Eventually she came down to a lower level and jumped. There was a considerable thump but fortunately she wasn't hurt. Live and learn.